feelings – The Self Cleaning House

Warning: This post has zero to do with house cleaning…. and I am not going to apologize for that! (I almost did!) It is very personal and deep. It’s been on my mind and I just felt it needed to come out. I hope that someone can benefit from it. I am no therapist and I may be all kinds of off base, but these are just my thoughts.

“Stop saying you’re sorry.” “Stop apologizing.” I’ve been hearing a lot of that and reading it on social media and the like. Apparently, women are notoriously bad about saying “I’m sorry” for every little thing, whether they have any responsibility for it or not. I don’t know if it’s necessarily a gender thing or if women are just more vocal about things in general.

I one hundred percent believe you should apologize for things that you did wrong. Absolutely!

Saying “I’m sorry” for things you had no control over implies guilt. It’s false guilt but guilt just the same. Your mind can’t tell the difference.

Those of us who over apologize are very aware that what we are “sorry” for is not really our fault. We are seeking to “fix things”.

The more you accept guilt the more your mind believes it. Your self-worth suffers. Your confidence diminishes. You might be the nicest kindest person in the world, and you probably are! But you start to believe you aren’t. There is a lot of conflict that goes on inside. You want to be a good person but good people don’t do all these things that we are constantly apologizing for.

Just as good affirmations work, so do bad ones. You can’t be “sorry” for everything without your consciousness believing that you are at fault.

It is a double-edged sword. You say “I’m sorry” because you really are a good person but it makes you feel as if you are not.

So how do we change? For many, probably most of us, it’s not just a habit. Changing this “habit” is about as easy as changing your eye color! I believe you need to know the why behind the behavior to change it.

I did some serious soul searching. I am sure there are many reasons that people over-apologize. We are all different. We’ve all had different upbringings. The basic reason behind it is about the same though.

When you say you are sorry, you are taking responsibility for the action, situation, etc. meaning you now own it. Only when you own it can you take any control over it.

The fear of others being angry, unhappy or upset is what drives over apologetic people to say “I’m sorry” all over the place.

If something goes wrong, and I say “I’m so sorry” (even though I had nothing to do with it) I am accepting blame so that you don’t have to. That way you don’t need to be angry at yourself or someone else. Now I own it and can try to fix or smooth out the situation so that all will be well. None of this is really truly valid but it is the subconscious, if not the conscious thought process.

It boils down to fear of other people’s anger or perceived anger and the desire for control of a situation to avoid anxiety.

Ultimately, it is a very self-destructive, which is ironic considering that it is a defense mechanism.

I am going to work on positive affirmations to repair what I’ve done with the destructive behavior. I am going to let others be responsible for their own feelings and situations.

Thank you for allowing me to share and I hope that it helps you to stop next time you start to say “I am sorry” and think, “am I responsible for this?”.

Here is a great article from thelawofattraction.com on overcoming being an over-apologizer!

When the alarm goes off at 5am, what gets you out of bed to go exercise? Motivation or discipline? I can tell you for me it’s not motivation! I don’t “feel” like doing it! I am still working on establishing the discipline. I’m getting there!

Motivation is based on emotion, feeling and impulse. It’s helpful to have those things but not necessary to accomplish a task or achieve a goal.

We seem to want to put our feelings in the wrong place, backward in fact when we want to “motivate” to do something. For example, “I can’t seem to motivate to vacuum the house.” What we are saying is I am not having a good FEELING about the act of vacuuming. Instead, we need to CHOOSE to vacuum and then FEEL good about the vacuuming being done.

We could wait forever to get excited and worked up about vacuuming! It might never happen! Waiting for motivation causes procrastination.

Self-discipline is the key to achieving anything you have set out to do. More specifically, self-discipline is what will help you establish habits that will then not require motivation or self-discipline to do. The habit of brushing your teeth in the morning has been so ingrained in your brain that it doesn’t take motivation or self-discipline to do each day. In fact, I would bet most of us do it before we are fully awake! Its practically like breathing!

Self-discipline will be there when motivation fails you. Motivation is a fair weather friend. Discipline will conquer fear. It will overcome frustration. It will help you get up and keep going when you fall down.

How can you build self-discipline? discipline is like a muscle. It needs to be used to get stronger! The first few times making yourself get up at 5am is hard. After a while, it gets easier. (I’m still at the “its hard” part!)

Make it as easy as possible to make the best choices. If you are dieting, don’t buy a dozen doughnuts for the office.

Have a plan. If you are trying to resolve to have a clean house, put a system in place. Don’t just flounder.

Make small changes. Don’t decide you are going to go to the gym 6 days a week, never ever eat sugar again, lose 10 pounds by the weekend and start taking an online course at the same time! One thing at a time!

Take time to reward yourself or just enjoy the benefit of what you have done! This is extremely important! Our brains are wired to want to achieve a reward. Besides, you deserve it!

People who have good self-discipline are happier people! Be the boss of yourself! Don’t let your feelings tell you what to do!

Wisdomination has a crazy good article on this subject! “Motivation is trying to feel like doing stuff.” Discipline is doing it even if you don’t feel like it.”

Entrepreneur has a good article on how to develop self-discipline

“There are things you can do to learn self-discipline and gain the willpower to live a happier life.”

We love chorizo and I am always trying to find new ways to use it. Fried eggs on just about anything makes it better so this was a win-win!

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Chorizo and Egg Tostado

Recipe: Chorizo and Egg Tostado

Servings 6

Ingredients:

12 ounces fresh chorizo sausages

1 pound ground beef

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 seeded poblano chile diced

1 red bell pepper diced

5 green onions sliced

salt to taste

freshly ground black pepper to taste

1/4 cup your favorite salsa

1/4 cup water

6 flour tortillas or corn tortillas

oil for frying

6 eggs

mexican blend cheese

hot pepper sauce

avocado

sour cream

Directions:

Remove chorizo from casings. In a large skillet, cook chorizo and ground beef until browned. Drain off fat. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil to the skillet and add diced poblano, red bell pepper, and green onion to meat. Cook until tender, about 5-7 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add salsa and water and stir to combine. Cook until reduced slightly.
In another skillet, heat oil and fry tortillas until crisp turning once.
Fry 6 eggs as desired. Divide chorizo mixture between the six tortillas, top with cheese, egg, hot sauce and avocado. Garnish with sour cream and more green onion.

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This Ove glove is a must-have in the kitchen or outside on the grill!!

This is the curling iron I will be ordering come payday! Mine finally died after many years of service. I really like the “Hot Tools” brand so I will be getting another!